Dealing with a Bad Boss (and How to Tell If You Have One)

To be clear, in my experience, most managers are not going to fall into the category of "bad boss." In fact, in my entire career, I have had only one truly awful manager. For some reason, bad managers don't seem to stick around long in the tech world, which is good news for us! So the chances of having a bad manager are pretty slim, but if you are unfortunate enough to have one, it can be a drain on you mentally, emotionally, and even financially if he or she tries to derail your career.

How do you know if you have a bad boss/manager?

We need to define what constitutes a bad boss or manager. A bad boss views your success as a threat, especially if you succeed without or in spite of them. They need you to fail, even if the failures are imaginary, so they keep moving the goal posts, or criticize you for petty things. They downplay your accomplishments, and anything they do for you is a favor. And if they do this to you, they do it to others as well.

There's another clue. A bad boss will invite you to give negative feedback on coworkers behind closed doors. They do the same thing with others, enticing them to say negative things about you.

Still not sure? There is a safe, win-win way to detect whether you're dealing with a bad boss. Perform a simple test: The next time you're talking to your manager, give glowing praise to another employee who is a direct report of your manager. Tell your manager how this other employee did such a great job with such-and-such. How he or she went the extra mile. Whatever it may be. Then, sit back and watch. If your manager is a bad seed, he or she will find a very creative way to punish or smear that employee.

On the other hand, if your manager is decent, nothing alarming should happen. Everyone will celebrate, your colleague might get a recognition, and that will be it. No drama!

Steps to protect yourself

How you decide to deal with a bad manager is up to you, but here are my suggestions based on past experience.

Face the fact that you might need to find a different job. This probably should not be your first step, but keep it on the table.

If the law allows, record every conversation and meeting with your boss. Don't depend on your phone. Buy a small recorder that you can keep in your pocket and turn on secretly. Do not tell anyone you're doing this. This will take a huge weight off your shoulders because you won't have to worry about remembering or misremembering things, and if you ever need to defend yourself against a false accusation, it will not be your word against theirs.

Get and put communication in writing as much as possible. If your boss avoids this and insists on oral communication, send a followup email documenting it. For example, "Just to confirm, there was a problem with x, and you want me to do y and z to resolve it." Your boss doesn't need to respond to confirm (although if they do it's a bonus). The main thing is that you are leaving a paper trail and, if worst comes to worst, you have your recorded conversation to fall back on.

Keep communications to the bare essentials. Don't provide more information than what's needed. Beware of open ended questions like, "What do you think about this?" Respond with your own clarifying question, "Can you be more specific?". Open-ended questions can have ulterior motives and answering them can go sideways really quick when dealing with a bad boss. If you say, "I need more time to think about it" then boss can say, "You should have already thought about it!" to make it out like you dropped the ball. Don't avoid answering all open-ended questions, but be brief and try to get your boss to ask specific, direct questions (again, preferably in writing).

Publicly give genuine compliments and shout-outs to colleagues for their successes. If you were involved, be sure to include yourself as well. Ideally, do this in writing on Slack or via email to plant the flag. When everyone is rallying around you, it can be hard for a bad boss to step in with negativity. Just be ready for possible blowback on something else. Remember, a bad boss will try to undermine your successes.

While at work, avoid talking about subjects which involve any implication that you are human and have soft spots. If you have a headache, don't announce it. If you didn't sleep well and aren't functioning at your best, keep it to yourself. The less information you provide, the less power he has over you. This isn't to say you should act robotic and pretend you're not human. But you don't want to give your bad manager the room to accuse you of being a lazy complainer.

As a rule, avoid discussing your concerns with coworkers, because you never know how what you say could get spread around and twisted. Discuss your work problems with someone you trust, preferably outside of work.